I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
