And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize