I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
