i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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