____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
