If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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