Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
