i don't like sucking hair
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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