I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
