It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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