Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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