You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
