apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize