ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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