yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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