Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
