does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
