recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
