once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
