Someone shit on the floor
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to stop coming to work sober
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
