Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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