I got chris browned last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
