So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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