if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
