I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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