i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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