Your tits are I can't wait for
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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