Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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