I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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