Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do vagina's smell?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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