just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
