oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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