if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry about my life...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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