Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize