i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
