I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
