You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
