insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
