Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
