He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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