Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
