I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
