is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
