the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
