Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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