it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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