Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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