Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
