sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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