I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
