I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize