my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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