you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
