I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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