I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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