My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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