never play flip cup with pint glasses
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
