know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
