I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
