Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
