Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
