Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
