We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
