He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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