I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
