i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
