So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
