take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
