fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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