The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize