we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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