Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
