tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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