It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
