I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
