Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
