I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
