I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
