living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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