And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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