I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
