Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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