I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
