hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
