u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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