I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
