just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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