she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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