I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
