Quick, to the slutcave!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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