The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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