i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
