you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
