I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
