And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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