Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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